Amnesia
by SereneCalamity
Summary: Sometimes Logan just wished he couldn't remember his time with Veronica, it was too painful. But then there were other times...LoVe. OneShot.


_One of my most favorite couples out there, and lately I've fallen in love with 5SOS...Not usually a fan of those sort of bands but this one has gotten under my skin. Haha._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the song._

 _I drove by all the places that we used to hang out getting wasted  
_ _I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted  
_ _And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine  
_ _Are you somewhere feeling lonely, even though he's right beside you?  
_ _When he says the words that hurt you, do you read the words I wrote you?  
_ _Sometimes I wonder, was it just a lie?  
_ _If we had was real, how could you be fine?  
_ _Coz I'm not fine at all_

 _I remember the day you told me you were leaving  
_ _I remember the make up running down your face  
_ _And the dreams you left behind like you didn't need them  
_ _Like every single wish we ever made  
_ _I wish that I could wake up with amnesia  
And forget about the stupid little things  
_ _Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you  
_ _And the memories I never can escape  
_ _Coz I'm not fine at all_

Logan Echolls took in a deep breath to try and calm his thoughts as he saw her, standing across the crowded food court of the mall. It had been six months since the last time that he had seen her, but even then, it had been for barely five minutes; they had fun into each other when she was home visiting Keith Mars for Christmas. It had been okay then, because she had been by herself, and she had given him this look that made him think that everything he missed, everything he longed for, everything he _wanted_ —she wanted that too. They hadn't even talked, because he was with Richard 'Dick' Casablances and a bunch of his rowdy friends, while she was just with her father, who didn't like any of them. But now, seeing her looking happy, all wrapped up in his arms and looking sickly in love, he had to do a double take and rethink what he thought he saw.

Because she looked absolutely fine.

She looked like she had completely moved on.

But then what could he expect?

She was Veronica Mars.

She was like a high speed train and anyone in her life that couldn't keep up fell to the side while she kept going.

Logan had just always thought that maybe—maybe he was the exception to the rule.

Clearly not.

"Logan?"

And her voice still had the ability to stop him in his tracks.

He forced a smile and turned around.

"Oh my god, Logan!" Veronica looked completely stunned to see him.

"Long time no see, Ronnie," Logan Echolls kept the plastic smile on his face, even though his body was itching in revolt, wanting him to turn around and run. The man with her, if he was even old enough to be called a man, smiled up at Logan, looking completely clueless as he faced him. Logan knew exactly who he was. Stosh 'Piz' Piznarski looked like a seventeen year old kid who spent all his time on his skateboard, wearing baggy shorts and drinking from juice boxes. Logan had stalked this kid well and good as soon as he had started appearing on Veronica's Facebook. At first it was in group settings, but then at Wallace Fennel's birthday last year, there was a picture taken of just the two of them together, Piz's arm around her waist and Veronica grinning widely at the camera, her head resting on his shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her expression sobering quickly as she looked around. For a girlfriend, maybe? Logan instantly cursed himself for travelling alone, even if there hadn't been anyone serious since they had parted ways over four years ago.

"Uh yeah, I'm here with Dick," he said.

"Dick?" Veronica raised an eyebrow looking amused, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "You're still hanging out with him?"

"He's like an STD; just can't shake him," Logan gave her a smirk and Veronica looked as though she was about to laugh, but then she looked sideways at Piz, who was watching them, and held it in. "Anyway, uh, I should leave you guys alone. Good seeing you, Ronnie." And with that, he forced himself to turn around and walk away. It took everything he had not to look back over his shoulder to see if Veronica was watching after him.

Richard 'Dick' Casablances appeared almost an hour later, with the name of a couple of pretty girls who looked like the didn't have two brain cells to rub together, appearing very pleased with himself. They headed back to their hotel, which was in the middle of the city and on the top floor, and Dick put on pay-per-view and grabbed a mini bottle off whiskey out of the minibar. Logan tried to go back to how he was this morning, happy to be here and without a care in the world, but he couldn't get back to that place. And despite how much went over Dick's head, when someone wasn't having as much fun as he was.

"What's up your ass, dude?" Dick asked, not tearing his eyes away from the basketball game on the TV. "You wanna call up those chicks now?"

"Nah, man, I'm good," Logan replied, pursing his lips together as he looked down at his phone for the umpteenth time.

"Wanna go back out? We could hit a couple of the clubs? The chicks here will be way better than the ones back in Neptune," Dick looked over at him now with a leery grin.

"Uh, I think I'm gonna go for a walk, man," Logan said, letting out a rush of air through his nose. Dick's smile dropped from his face as he raised his eyebrows in response and then looked back at the TV. Logan got up from the couch and put his phone in his back pocket. As he reached the door, Dick called out to him.

"I know you saw Ronnie." Logan paused, his hand on the door. "I mean, even if I didn't see you guys talking, I would still know it you saw her. You only ever get like this when it's her."

"I'm fine," Logan insisted and Dick just shrugged. Logan lowered his eyes and opened the door, walking down the hall toward the elevator. He took it down to the lobby and walked through the expensive ground floor, barely noticing two woman who gave him appreciative looks as he passed. On their way back to the hotel, they had passed a bar and it only took him a couple of minutes to reach it and push open the door. "Scotch on the rocks," he grunted to the bartender as he made himself comfortable in a booth at the back of the room.

And then, as though knowing he was alone and waiting for her, his phone vibrated.

 _Did you want to catch up?_

What a stupid question.

* * *

Veronica was doing just fine. Logan could usually see straight through any of her bullshit, but she appeared to be doing just as good as he had heard through friends and seen on Facebook. She had finished her law degree, and had a job at Truman-Mann and Associates, working her way up the ranks there. Her and Piz had an apartment somewhere in the middle of the law firm and the radio station where Piz worked.

Logan hoped that he didn't flinch every time the mans name was mentioned.

Apparently Piz quite often worked in the weekends and she was meant to be meet up with one of her friends but they had bailed on her at the last minute, which is what had resulted in her coming to meet him. As the afternoon progressed into night, Piz wasn't mentioned again and the two become more and more drunk.

"Dick will be pissed at me for stealing you away," Veronica commented as she swallowed the last mouthful of her bourbon.

"Dick was always pissed at you for stealing me away," Logan replied with his lazy, lopsided smirk that affected Veronica in ways that Piz never could. "He'll be okay. He got the numbers of a couple of bimbos when we were out earlier. They'll come over and keep him company."

"He always was resourceful," Veronica grinned before holding up her hand to catch the attention of the bartender. The man was over quickly, and slid another drink over to her. Logan saw the way his gaze hesitated over the blonde before moving on to the next customer. She never really knew how attractive she was, writing herself off next to her more flamboyant best friend, Lilly Kane. But Veronica was absolutely gorgeous, and she was the only girl that Logan had had eyes for since he was sixteen.

"So how long are you in the city for?" Veronica asked, tilting her head to the side, her long blonde hair falling over her shoulder and her eyes boring into his.

"Just until the end of the week. Gotta get back to work after that," Logan told her as he wrapped his fingers around the neck of his beer bottle.

"That's something that I need to see with my own eyes," she grinned.

"What?"

"You working," she shot back and Logan laughed.

"I have a very respectable position at Kane Software, thank you very much," Logan told her he took another drag from his beer bottle.

"So you sit behind a computer all day?" Veronica asked disbelievingly.

"Well, it's not perfect, but it'll do for now," Logan shrugged. "Given I didn't want to follow in the family business, like acting or modelling—" he got a snort of laughter out of her at the comment. "—And because our family was always such good friends with Jake, he hired me. Subsidized my degree in Computer Engineering, put me in a position that allowed for quick advancement. It's a good gig for now, until I figure out what I want to do."

"Subsidized?" Veronica wrinkled up her nose. "Since when does an Echolls need help paying for anything, much less something educational?" Logan glanced at her disbelief and then looked down at the wooden booth, a wash of sadness coming over him.

She really had cut off all ties if she didn't know his situation.

It had been the gossip among the whole town, and if she had just asked, she would have found out easily enough.

"Well, you know my dad, right?"

"You're kidding," Veronica snorted. "He's a three time Oscar award winner who caught me half naked in his sons bed when we were seventeen," she said bluntly. "Even if I tried, I couldn't forget your dad."

"Well, you remember how at the Halloween party we caught him with that waitress?" The smile disappeared off her face as she remembered that night. Things hadn't always been good between Logan and his father, and that night had been a turning point. Seventeen years old and finding out that your father didn't love or respect your mother...Logan's snappy attitude had increased tenfold that night. Which had resulted in quite a few bruises on his back and chest. Veronica had tried to convince him to talk to her dad about it, or move in with his older sister, but he had refused, saying that it was family business. "That waitress was just one of the hundred or so that he cheated on my mum with," Logan's voice was bitter, even though this was news he was used to.

"Logan, I'm sorry..." Veronica murmured, her body moving slightly closer to his but still not touching him.

"Mum took off a while ago," he said. "No one's heard from her in ages, and her bank accounts and credit cards haven't been touched." He shook his head and bit down on his lower lip. "She took off because of all the shit with dad; he made her feel worthless, and he played on her history with depression, telling her that no one would ever love her if she left him." Veronica reached out for him at this point, linking her fingers with his, the familiarity of her hand in his calming him down almost straight away. "Because she hasn't been declared dead, her will hasn't been released. So when I cut off everything with dad, I was left with no money. But I managed. I'm okay."

"I can see that," Veronica squeezed his hand. "You always were were a survivor, hidden under a skin of sarcasm and far too much money."

"Thanks," Logan threw a smile at her, but his fingers twitched, responding to her touch. They fell quiet again, the only music coming from the TV in the corner of the bar. Suddenly Veronica spoke, and it was the words that he had wanted to hear for so long.

He didn't care if it was the alcohol talking.

But he fell in love with her just a little bit more.

And for the first time in four years, he didn't wish that he had no memory of their time together.

"I've missed you, Logan."

* * *

Eight hours.

It took them eight hours from when they first saw each other in the mall until the point where they had fallen into bed. She tasted the same, she sounded the same, and she felt the same. Logan couldn't believe his luck; it's not often that someone who has lost their love gets another night with them, another chance. They rolled around in bed all night, Logan's hands rubbing up and down her arms as they kissed long and slow, remembering each others rhythm. Veronica moaned and sighed against his skin as he rolled his hips into her, filling up her silky warmth.

It was morning when they slipped back into reality.

Veronica used his charger to reboot her phone, and there were a bunch of missed calls and texts from Piz. Her whole face crumbled when she saw them, and she chewed down worriedly on her lower lip. Logan gave her her space, knowing that he would just make things worse if he tried to talk to her. She dressed quickly, her hands shaking as she pulled on her jeans and then hooked her bra up behind her her back. She shoved her phone into the pocket of her jeans and turned to face Logan, who was wearing a pair of sweatpants which hung low on his hips, and no shirt, his perfect torso on display.

"Last night..." she began, taking in a deep breath. "Last night shouldn't have happened..." Logan felt his stomach roll over and he tried not to let his disappointment play out across his face. He breathed out heavily through his nose and pulled on a shirt, turning to walk out onto the balcony. He rested his palms down on the railing and looked out over the early morning city traffic. He heard rustling around in the apartment behind him, but he couldn't turn around.

He couldn't watch her leave him a second time.

Silence fell behind him and he assumed that she had left, but then a hand landed on his shoulder, the warmth seeping through the thin material of his shirt. He half turned his head, enough to a catch a glimpse of Veronica's blonde halo out of the corner of his eyes but not enough that he could see her face.

"I'm sorry it's like this, Logan," she whispered to him, and if he focused hard enough, he could hear the broken edge to her voice. "I...I honestly thought—I thought—"

"What did you _think_ , Veronica?" Logan spat out, sounding a lot more bitter than he had intended.

"I always thought that we were somehow going to find our way back to each other," she murmured. "I always thought that we were gonna end up together." She waited a moment, but he never turned around to look at her, and so she squeezed his shoulder and turned to leave. As she reached for the handle of the door, she heard Logan speak.

"I thought so too," his voice was barely audible. "I thought our love was something epic."

That was why he had always wished his thoughts of her away.

* * *

They were together for three years.

Three years of learning everything there was about each other. Of dealing with each others family crap. Of dealing with each others crap. Of making plans. Of falling in love.

And look where it had left him.

In his room.

Alone.

On a Saturday night.

Drowning in memories.

"Dude!" Dick strutted into the room, flipping open the pea green jacket he was wearing to reveal a flashing belt, announcing very proudly that _Party's Here._

"Always so classy there, Richard," Logan commented with a raised eyebrow.

"I do try," Dick smirked. "Anyway, this is our last night in NY. Are you gonna snap out of this funk or what?"

"I think that you should just go out by yourself tonight. I'm honestly just not feeling it."

"Aw, shit, man. Coz of her?" Dick groaned. " _Still_?"

"Dude, I'm not asking for you to understand, but I'm just not feeling it tonight."

"Come on, man. This is our last night," Dick pressured. "You've all Betty Buzzkill since you spent the night with her—"

"Dick!" Logan snapped, looking over at him and the blonde put his hands up in defense when he saw the angry look in his friends eyes.

"Alright, whatever," Dick muttered before turning around and leaving the apartment. Logan sighed and ran his hands through his hair. It had been three days since the night he had spent with Veronica, and he literally couldn't think of anything else. It was exactly how it had been for the months after she had left after high school. He had the same sick feeling in his stomach and loop of her in his brain. As he stood in the shower, resting his head against the cold tiles, he wished for the hundred time that everything with Veronica hadn't happened—that he couldn't remember any of it. It would be so much easier to not love her if he couldn't remember the aspects about her that had left him no choice but to fall for her.

He was half a bottle deep in expensive whiskey when there was a knock at the door. He considered not opening it, his fingers wrapped around the neck of the bottle. But then the knock came again and he sighed, putting down his drink and heading over to the door, not bothering to look out the peep hole before he swung it open.

To Veronica.

Logan's heart stopped in his chest as he looked down at her.

Her eyes were watery and her cheeks were stained with tears as she looked up at him. At her side was a suitcase and Logan frowned as his eyes met hers, tentative hope curling in his stomach as she took a step closer to him.

"I'm not fine, Logan," she said, her voice wavering. "I just can't forget everything that we've been through...I'm not okay without you, Logan."

 _Let me know what you pretty people think :)_


End file.
